alcoHOLYmpics

they say that alcohol improves ur linguistic skills, possibly by lowing ur social phobia

well

I am available to test it drinking wine while preparing this poster in German

which is too frustrating if staying sober

I dunno if wine will improve the poster

but definitely will make me feel better about the whole process

cheers!

bastan poche briciole

lo stretto indispensabile...

get closer, if u have the courage

ah!

it's the old lesson

it always comes back on the screen, just in case u forgot about it

Life gives, Life takes

and it's up to u how to react to that, how to enjoy it, how to experience it, how u treasure it, how to make the best out of it

for what I know, never hold back important things u have to say, because when u think u had so much time to say them, u realize u had not that much

just do it with ur heart in ur hands

I went running in the woods, it was only me and the nature, nobody around... this made me discover how amazing it can be running and dancing if u feel like dancing while running... I'm sure it looks like a bee just got me or like I have bees in my head

but I danced it out there

the air was heavy

I set on the bottom of a cut tree and I breathed in and out

a lady bug came to visit me

she was scared, but she made it close to me anyways... I appreciated that courage

the storm came right after I got home

while my yummy meatballs are getting ready on the fire

while some alcohol is making me feel relaxed again while staring at the rain falling down on everything

in these moments I do have to think of that concept heard in a movie

"I feel as if an egg was down my throat, staying there, without going either up nor down, just staying there"

can u?

there are too many things still untouched on my "to do" list

I wanna learn surfing!

but for that, I might need an Ocean nearby...

teach me how

Snow White and the Seven Piglets

for some unknown reason kids always come and sit next to me on transportations. people told me that it's because I look like Snow White

... how sweet...


But what I don't understand is why quite often they happen to be farting kids.

u don't sit and fart next to Snow White!

how deluded can u be?

I went to attend an amazing show yesterday evening

delusion - laurie anderson

and I had one of the most pleasant, intense, moving, touching, wonderful experience I could ask for


I don't want to spoil too much about the contents, but there were a couple of concepts in there which I will never forget:

1. a beautiful metaphor about how we keep on living our lives. like a donkey following a carrot. we go, and go, and go... following a carrot, never really questioning why, who put the carrot there, do we really want that carrot. until one day...

2. a garden with daisies. black and white. her voice saying "I was thinking of u. I was thinking of u. I was thinking of u. And then I was not thinking of u anymore. My right eye is tearing. My left eye is tearing. My right eye is tearing because I love u. My left eye is tearing because I can't bare it"

3. we die three times. the first time when our heart stops. the second time when we get buried. the third time when a person says our name for the last time.

4. mother meditation, from buddhism. it suggests, in order to find back the feeling of love, to try looking at the world and at people as if you were people's mother and then to re-look as if everyone was your mother.

5. I really like the stars because we cannot hunt them... we can just reach them.

I cannot really describe what I felt. most of the time a punch in the stomach. in a good way. I cannot imagine a better way of telling a story, combining self produced music, images, scenario, words, lights...



which way do we go?

another day in america...

I have a question

go on youtube and do what I did under suggestion of a friend

search for "fifty people one question" (or similar videos twenty people one question..)




enjoy it.

happy b-day, bob

Most of the time my head is on straight
Most of the time I'm strong enough not to hate
I don't build up illusion 'til it makes me sick
I ain't afraid of confusion no matter how thick




most of the time

she looked like she always looks

precisely.

when is u gonna stop playing the "hard to get"?

when u is gonna stop playing the "hard to want".

spunti di svista - seconda puntata

vi ricordate la mia gita avventurosa nel paesello della birra?

(http://vale-psyconversations.blogspot.com/2011/02/spunti-di-svista.html)

ebbene

sono tornata dopo tre mesi nella dolce Radeberg per incontrare un altro paziente e ho potuto constatare un paio di cose degne di nota

anche a Radeberg arriva l'estate. pensavo che alcuni paesi fossero destinati a rimanere grigi e freddi per sempre. per fortuna mi sbagliavo. la gente molto felicemente godeva del sole appollaiata fuori dai bar. ho avuto un momento di sgomento quando passando davanti ad un bar due signori si sono messi a ululare, no dico, ululare. esagerati. se è certo che un complimento, lo sguardo di un bel giovinotto o il sorriso di uno sconosciuto ti possono rallegrare la giornata, due ubriaconi che ululano... no. mi sono proprio imbarazzata e ho detto ad alta voce "bah, questa poi..". insomma, e poi si pensa degli italiani. per fortuna a Dresden invece la gente non si guarda neppure in faccia (douh)

il famoso 309, forse dopo la mia visita, è entrato nell'era della ragione. è stato finalmente dotato di segnaletica luminosa accanto al numero che indica la destinazione. 309: Dresden e 309: strafanculo.
sono soddisfazioni.

il paziente grande e grosso che avrei descritto come "signore"... cazzo, era più giovane di me. lamentava diverse preoccupazioni e quando ho cercato di capirne l'eziologia, pareva non saltare fuori nulla di importante... poi all'improvviso questo ragazzone svuota il sacco. la cara Mutti lo ha finalmente buttato fuori di casa. eeeeh sì, il caro signorino che compie settimana prossima 26 anni viveva ancora all'hotel Mutti. e in Germania non è una cosa normale. certo che non dormi la notte piccolo gigante... è arrivata l'ora di darsi una svegliata. non beve più la birra, dice... vive a Radeberg e cosa beve? la gazzosa.

detto questo non ha fatto altro che alimentare la mia voglia di alcohol. mi sarei proprio seduta in quel giardino che pareva dipinto con fiori, decisamente importati da un altro emisfero, color barbabietola, a sorseggiare una Radeberger.

ho fatto il dito medio al 309, sul quale giuro di aver riconosciuto lo stesso conducente della volta scorsa, e ho preso il treno verso casa, appena in tempo per la merenda. chissà come sta il cavallo nero che ho visto quest'inverno... un po'mi dispiace non aver ritentato la sfortuna. sarà per la prossima gita.

23.05.92 - 23.05.11

“One usually dies because one is alone, or because one has got into something over one's head. One often dies because one does not have the right alliances, because one is not given support. In Sicily the Mafia kills the servants of the State that the State has not been able to protect.”

l'azzeramento dei contatori

un paio di parole mi sento tuttavia di spenderle in merito a questo trasloco

è chiaramente un trasloco simbolico, un cambio di pagina di cui sentivo il bisogno, di fronte a cambiamenti più o meno importanti

come accennavo oggi ad una cara lettrice, c'è chi si tinge i capelli e/o rivoluziona l'acconciatura, chi si fa un tatuaggio, chi si compra un vestito nuovo e chi cambia "diario segreto" (e fa anche tutte le altre cose messe assieme ;o)  )

facciamo pure finta che le pagine del diario precedente siano, come è giusto, ad un certo punto finite

come ad un certo punto a scuola finiva il quaderno e se ne iniziava un altro

io avevo sempre quella sensazione di nuovo inizio, di nuove possibilità

soprattutto se in quella materia non andavo benissimo il cambio del quaderno era per me l'azzeramento dei contatori e la motivazione per raggiungere risultati migliori

è un fenomeno psicologico non da poco

quando all'inizio della specialistica abbiamo cambiato libretto degli esami, non per fare la figa, ma i voti non sono mai scesi sotto al 27... ed era tutto merito del libretto nuovo, l'azzeramento dei contatori

avevo pensato di cominciare un nuovo blog in un giorno importante, che avesse qualche significato speciale

la verità però è che dopo appena dieci giorni di silenzio nel blog precedente, ne sentivo davvero la mancanza
mi sentivo come se un caro amico che abitualmente potevo vedere ogni giorno a tutte le ore del giorno fosse andato via...
una sensazione strana, di vuoto, di silenzio spiacevole

un vero motivo per questo piccolo cambiamento comunque, non c'è

forse una differenza sostanziale sta nelle persone a cui ho comunicato il nuovo indirizzo, quindi simbolicamente è cambiato il destinatario

ma simbolicamente

perché chiunque, se davvero desideroso di trovarmi, di leggere, di sapere come sto e cosa faccio e quali baggianate scrivo... non avrà difficoltà reali nel rimediare questa nuova pagina

è così che sono io, questo non cambia

non ci sono segreti, non ci sono rancori, non ci sono litigi

mi serviva più spazio e ho cambiato casa

avervi ospiti è per me sempre un onore, non importa dove

NAMASTE.

Candies Can this

meeting all kind of patients I get to realize where my limits are set and what kind of work I will have to do on myself later on

Friday I met a young guy. Very unfriendly, unpleasant in different provocative ways. He started the interview chewing a gum.

I had to keep on thinking that a cat, by nature, is actually friendly, it becomes unfriendly if something bad happened before.

After one hour he asked me if he could have my bonbons on the table. He looked suddenly like a little kid. We got to the end and when I was about to say goodbye I gave him the next appointment and before letting him go I said "Very important, don't forget these, these are for u" and I handed him two more bonbons.

He smiled and blushed for the first time and said "Thank u, really"

I had to accept that candies sometimes can do more than any other thing u had on ur mind...

ahah, now that I think about it... CANDIES.... CAN THIS BETTER.

those monologues

I often make fun of a friend of mine telling him "there he goes with his monologues again..."

on the other side I actually like monologues, even when they get too far, even when they seem disconnected (and believe me, in his case... they are very much disconnected)

sooner or later though I give some thoughts to them 

and they kind of make sense in some direction

“For what it’s worth -it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it -I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of -If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.” (Benjamin Button)

There's an old joke. 

Uh, two elderly women are at a Catskills mountain resort, 

and one of 'em says: "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." 

The other one says, "Yeah, I know, and such ... small portions." 

Well, that's essentially how I feel about life. 

 Full of loneliness and misery and suffering and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly. 

(Woody Allen - Annie Hall)

once there was the Arcadian standing there..

"Sometimes things have to fall apart to make way for better things...we're done here..." (How I met your Mother)




It's difficult to describe the moment when a chapter of ur Life that u wanted to end, really comes to an end. Because of course there is a huge gap between the moment u want it to end and the moment when it ends for real.


For a few seconds, maybe days, maybe months...u fear that with that chapter a part of u will never come back. And u run the risk to spend too much time looking at ur past and wondering if that was the right decision. But when u least expect it, Life shows u something beautiful, a new direction and then u know it. Life goes on. And u with it. 




I am certainly going to miss that girl who was writing Psyconversations. She kept me company, she made me dream, sometimes laughing, sometimes moving a little stone in my stomach.
But that girl is still here. She just moved some steps ahead. Pressed the button to tear the Arcadian apart, to clear the way for better things.