i sogni son..

ultimamente, più del solito, la risposta continua a palesarsi nei miei sogni.

insistentemente.

the real problem

I wouldn't mind mad people

if only they could assure me to be a lot of fun

my problem is boring madness

annoying insanity


Vale, just want to have fun.

messages on napkins

I am almost sure I posted this one before... but I found the napkins where I wrote these words in 2009 and felt like sharing them again...

every time my wings are about to fly, there is no wind

every time I feel my flames burning, there it comes the rain

seasons have already shown their nuances to me before

and now I cannot notice them like back then

and even if I try to bring the sun inside

I wonder when will it shine out there again

because I am tired of looking with my eyes closed.

Because I really like coffee

Life is a drunken bitch. She likes fooling around and what can we do? Just enjoy the ride.

I miss u.

I miss the studio. Our cereals sessions. Your stories. I miss my life in California. The thing that I really don’t like is that you and I are too far away to have a coffee together. This is the only thing I must complain about…

Because seriously, I am not a teenager so I am of course living my Life and I am happy .. but knowing that I cannot have a simple coffee with you makes me sad. Makes me mad. Because I really like coffee.

Let’s watch this movie though, this one where it seems that we are the characters. Let’s enjoy it. Because we don’t know what’s gonna happen. I have some pop-corn with me, you can have some. Pop-corns are meant to be shared.

can I come in for a tea? and I don't even drink tea..

while packing again to go to the sea I found the journal u gave me in July 2009 for my 27th b-day

I found inside two letters I wrote u and never sent u

some words were really intense

made me realize how much I loved u, even more than I wanted to admit

u woke me up, even with ur wrong ways

u put me in front of the mirror and showed me how everything was

how everything can be

amazing


I will post those words later, because I don't want them to get lost again, like we did.

com'on, take it!

and the oldest cure

so, I basically couldn't get much sleep and I kind of lost my appetite

since I got home I keep on sleeping deeply and happily and

I am always hungry

now it's all making sense

all I needed was

HOME.

spunti di svista - sesta puntata

questa puntata ha luogo nella MIA Italia

che chiamo MIA per abitudine, ma che mai come in quest'ultima visita si sta rivelando Paese a cui ormai... non appartengo più

passeggio tra quelle vie dove sono stata ragazzina, dove dieci anni fa facevo il test d'ingresso per il Corso di Laurea e mi accorgo che la distanza che ormai ci separa, non è solo temporale

c'è una sorta di magone che mi accompagna, un dispiacere di fondo nel realizzare che "non posso tornare nel mio Paese"

è ovvio che potrei tornare in qualunque momento, ma per fare che? fare il lavoro che faccio ora in Germania, non sarebbe mai possibile qui in Italia

finalmente capisco mio padre da ragazzo che un bel giorno dovette lasciare l'amata Puglia per le mie stesse ragioni
mi parlava spesso di questa sensazione, del suo amore per la Puglia... "quanto mi manca, non puoi capire" mi diceva

ora so di cosa stesse parlando

vorrei poter chiudere tutto e tutti dentro ad un cofanetto e portarvi con me, perché il resto del Mondo non è mai come quell'angolo di Mondo dove ci siete anche voi

Dante's Inferno

now that I come home as soon as I can and that very often I wish I could go home but I cannot

I really happen to appreciate what my Country is, what it means to me and how much is part of me

Italy, there is nothing like u

u r a lot of bad things, a lot of things which don't work

but ur energy, ur colors, ur people, ur food

I do love u and I am not scared to say it out loud now

I am not mad at u anymore, because our love did not work out, because I had to look for happiness somewhere else

u will always be the best part of me

thank u Italy for making me who I am!

Einaudi's afternoon naps in Galway

bye bye I-reland and bye bye I-pod

it has been a hectic week end this one in Ireland

did not sleep much even if I had the luck to sleep in a princess-style room

the temperatures did not help much during these three days, the rain almost never stopped, the wind never slowed down and my favorite color did not even show up in the sky... not even for a minute!

besides the lack of color I surely painted a couple of moments in my mind which I will keep with me

one idea especially ran quite fast through my thoughts.. how many of these chances will we get?!

since nothing is forever what we can always do is to enjoy every single second we get to have, because each second could be our last and because

every second counts

getting beyond the melancholic side to switch on the angry side

I f*cking lost my I-pod... f*ck u, I-reland!!!!!! I worked hard to buy myself that I-pod... and now I am lost in my silence again...

I hope someone who always wanted an I-pod and could not afford it found mine and is enjoying it... my blue I-pod saying "Gandhi said to relax"

if he said to relax I say to f*ck off a bit too.

once I wanted to be the greatest

"somewhere, someday"

and even just this thought, will keep me company

while dreaming, day-dreaming, sleep walking, sleep talking

can't believe that I had to feel again like a 12 years old... blushing and lacking words

it's true... in Life, u never know.

and not even 60 minutes later...

I got an amazing answer...

yessssssssssssssssss. ssssssssshhhhhhhh.

my b-day wish. ssssssh.

btw, since it's my b-day I took the courage to send a letter I was a bit scared of sending out...

I might not get any answer, nothing out of it

but getting no feedback feels better than living with the idea I did not have the courage to go for it

so I went for it, now it's everything or nothing

:o)

I made my b-day wish. ssshhhhh.

29 years ago

so 29 years ago, at 9am, my 29 years old mom, gave me birth

and I was her third child

time might seem flying for me? well, then I cannot imagine how it feels for a parent, when their "little girl" turns my age

on the other side, and not trying to be positive neither arrogant

I never liked myself the way I like myself today. I do feel good with myself, with where I am and where I am heading to

I am proud of the things I have accomplished and I am about to accomplish

ten years ago I was young, scared of everything, uncomfortable with myself and very insecure

looking at the pics I looked like an unhappy young girl

I do like more what I see today in the mirror and what people tell me they see when they look at me

a mature young woman

:o)

what can I complain about?!

yesterday night I got a very nice surprise and I remembered what really counts in Life

"not everything that can be counted counts and not everything that counts can be counted"

"age is just a matter of mind, if u don't mind, it doesn't matter"

a special thank you goes always to HER on this day, because she made me the person I am (or at least most of it)

lights will guide me home

it's quite a long time I don't manage to sleep through the night

I am quite familiar to this insomnia, it's not anything new

but it was quite a long time I did not have any and it feels awkward to have this unpleasant "friend" back

I miss those long sleeps I used to get, those 12 hours sleep waking up fresh and in peace with the world

where the hell did those nights go?

I could blame it on the curtains, which I still don't have and around 4:30am would be very useful in order to keep on sleeping deeply

I could blame it on some thoughts I have had on my mind

but I am not sure

I think there is something bigger than what I want to admit, something I really have to take care of, in order to find that sleep again and in order to stop these nightmares, which won't leave me alone

the red balloon

what I really appreciated were the coincidences which started happening after we talked

or maybe they started even before that, simply we did not notice yet

I forgot to ask u which painting was ur favorite

well, one day if I have the chance, I will let u know that my favorite is probably the red balloon

because before knowing of the existence of that painting and even, almost, of that painter

I took a picture with a red balloon myself

I then got familiar with Klee's story and felt him for the first time

I went probably to look for him, only because I was missing u, which is... weird enough, I know.

the lady of the rings

so I decided to buy myself a ring

an engagement ring

an engagement to certain thoughts, to certain goals and to myself obviously

I'm finally engaged, bitches!

spunti di svista - quinta puntata

questa volta non ho fatto nessuna gita in un qualche paese impronunciabile dei dintorni

stavolta ho fatto una gita verso casa, a Dresden

camminavo nei miei stivali italiani che attirano tanto l'attenzione dei passanti, perché sono proprio dei bellissimi stivali e soprattutto sprizzano italianità da ogni poro
in america le persone ti fermano per chiederti dove li hai comprati e gridano "figures" quando si sentono rispondere "Italy"
a Dresden la gente fissa, pensando di non essere vista, e appena si accorge di essere stata vista, finge vaga indifferenza
manco stessimo giocando a 1, 2, 3 stella... in quel caso, ragazzi... avreste perso tutti!

che voglia di giocare a mago libero o a nascondino... che poi mi ricordo dal ridere mi scappava sempre la pipì e mi scocciava rientrare in casa per farla... fu così che imparai a farla nei cantieri di Garbagnate Milanese... quando non vi erano altro che campi attorno a noi

comunque, mi si è scaldato il cuore mentre tornando a casa ho trovato tre bambine che giocavano all'elastico! sì! all'elastico! "entro, pesto, entro pesto, allargo, stringo ed esco... me-la, pe-ra"

oddio

in tedesco suonava tutto tipo "eins zwei drei banzai"

però ho avuto uno di quei flash profondi. e anche un po' dolorosi, perché tra meno di una settimana sono 29. ultimo giro di boa... eeeeh sì, la vita è fatta di scale e nessuno ti avvisa che in cima alla scala ci si arriva con la barba e i capelli bianchi... anzi, avvisare ti avvisano anche

il problema è che non ci si crede mai.

have a good night.

quite priceless and the priceless quiet

the conference is all over

and I am all over the memories of the past few days

I will need as always some time to focus and understand what exactly happened

and some more time to make a sense out of it

few sure points:

- it was a blast
- it was totally worth it
- it opened a couple of doors, and it's not going to be easy to ignore them, at least for a while

lucky those who stay on their unchanged calm level? lucky those who have uncomplicated lives? lucky those who enjoy their priceless quiet?

in this case I love being unlucky, especially so unlucky like I have been yesterday, when I found the invitation for the banquet of the conference (80 euros) on the floor

I guess it was some unlucky coincidence (of someone else) which made it possible for me to join a very elegant dinner with the rest of the crew of the SPR... I know I could have felt bad for the person who lost it, but I heard they announced "for those who lost the ticket, don't worry, come anyways to the dinner"

the food was not worth the price

the company... quite priceless.